"Walking behind Cherie" page 3

It's early Monday morning. I'm still trying to absorb all the events of Sunday. Gazing at Cherie I just could not believe that there was anything wrong with her. Well, it didn't matter anymore. There were no decisions to make as far as I was concerned. It's 7:30 am and the pediatrician came back. Once again he brought even worse news than the day before - and I was alone. The Dr. told me that Cherie had a heart murmur and would probably live for about tw0 months. Once again I was reeling. How much more could I take?
There are many different forms of grieving and I was grieving. There are many deaths other than the death of a person. Divorced couples grieve the death of a relationship. Mothers grieve when all of a sudden the nest is empty and they face the loss of being with their children daily. I was grieving the loss of the future I had envisioned for Cherie. As the reality began to sink in the realization that her life would be very different became apparent. I pondered on the facts that she may not go to school, she would not have a first date, she would not go to the prom and she would not graduate from high school - all the events in our lives that marked certain accomplishments we remember the rest of our lives. And now I was facing the fact that I was actually going to lose her before she even had time to make her mark in this world.
It is in my nature to research everything I could to educate myself on whatever might be of interest to me, such as breastfeeding, natural childbirth, nutrition and canning food. So I began to read books. One book I read was "Angel Unaware" by Dale Evans. It was a poignant read; however, her Down Syndrome child died at 2 years of age, leaving me with added fear. Most of the other books I read had the theme from the 50's and these children were not talked about and many were institutionalized. It all seemed so bleak. The heaviness in my heart was so overwhelming I felt as though I could not breathe. With such an uncertain future, all I could do was hold her as tight as I could and know that I would love her as much as I could for every day she was with me. I loved her so much I did not care what her limitations would be..........